Why am I left out,
tired of tales of happy reunions of families and friends,
the abandoned, finally accepted.
I have reached out to my birth mother, my half brother,
More recently, an old boyfriend,
to be met with deception, followed by silence.
Am I a creature whose presence leads to havoc and destruction,
Powerful, a façade,
look more closely, I am lost and alone.
To lack an explanation, some reasoning, baffles me.
By nature, I search and piece together the story.
I chose these challenges,
not realizing that I sought those who did not want to be found.
I have a compulsion to say one more try,
to belong, to fit somewhere, a small niche,
no longer in the periphery.
Yes, this is my daughter, my sister, my old friend.
But it doesn't work that way,
it is more rejection, heartache.
Hitting walls of brick and stone,
dizzy as a losing boxer, against the ropes,
and no closer to a bit of truth.
It creates a void of pain,
The time has arrived to admit that I will not solve these puzzles,
I say enough.
photo by author
|on the outside, looking in...|